Feelings are our natural guidance system.
While we strive for feelings of love, excitement, joy and happiness, we often don't allow ourselves to feel sad, furious or scared. We feel guilty for feeling angry. We don't show others that we are disappointed or sad. We don't listen to that inner voice that warns us. Not allowing ourselves to feel all our feelings, in the long run can cause depression, addiction or abuse.
We usually label our feelings "positive" or "negative", but those labels have no validity. Our Feelings come as a package. All or nothing. We cannot experience light without darkness and we cannot feel the highs of joy without the lows of sadness and pain.
I compare feelings to Best Friends Forever.
They love us and accept us and tell us honestly, what they see. They are happy to come in for a cuppa and a chat. Of course, they are not perfect and have their flaws.
They seem to have the tendency to come unexpected and turn up at our door at an inappropriate time. If we don't let them in immediately they keep on knocking, until we open the door. They are very persistent. The longer we ignore them standing out there, the more they knock and the more of them will be joining in, insisting to enter.
We fight them off and might get so exhausted, that we don't have any energy left. We might use alcohol or drugs to block out the racket behind our door.
Because we don't listen to our BFF gut feeling yelling at us, that something isn't right, we might permit the development of abuse and accept it.
We allow it because self-love and self-worth might have never entered our homes. Or maybe they have gone fishing, until we're ready to let them back in.
If we haven't allowed the "negative" feelings in for a while, we'll get scared. We might fear that, if we let in sadness we'll never stop crying. We might worry that, if we allow our anger to come in, our rage will be so massive, that we might hurt ourselves or others.
What is the worst, that could happen if we let them in?
Suppose, you kept them out with the help of alcohol. You stop drinking and there they are! They storm your house, and yes, probably will cause havoc at first. After all, they have been waiting to get in for quite some time. They are annoyed and want to let off steam, all of them talking at once.
But they won't harm you. Feelings don't harm us, we harm ourselves by not listening to them.
Like any friend, they just want to be accepted and be close. We usually get close to others by listening to them and telling them about us without judging or being judged. Instead of shutting feelings out, let them in. It will feel weird, because it's a new situation. Let them sit on your sofa and let them have their say. You might not like what they are telling you. Listen to them anyway. Instead of judging them (I shouldn't feel angry; I mustn't cry;) accept them as who they are and thank them for their honesty.
Hit a pillow, cry your eyes out for as long as you need to. It will pass.
They'll speak up, have their cuppa, and leave. They'll come back, but in a much more orderly fashion.
You don't need to do this on your own. There's a lot of help out there. If you feel overwhelmed by the range of whats on offer, I can help you sorting it out.
I am not a therapist. I can help you to find your solutions
If you are worried that you might get harmed or might harm yourself or others, contact Emergency, Police or any Crisis Intervention Service.